Great Sex Secrets

Posts Tagged ‘Anal sex

Besides being naughty and excited by the whole taboo thing,

There are lots of nerve endings that can make anal play pleasurable for both men and women. The prostate, the rectum and the rim of the anus are all rich sources of nerve endings. Gentle stimulation of these areas can be very pleasurable for both men and women if we are ready for it.

So if it is something you want to try…Talk to your partner about it. Find out their experiences, feelings and thoughts on the subject of back door play, anal exploration, sexual fantasies and such.

If your partner says no…

Have them check out this blog! I am here to help everyone explore their greatest fantasies and desires – pleasurewise. No doesn’t always mean no…but they many not know enough about how and why they would even want to try this yet.

Many women are embarrassed about anal play, some have been curious about it. There are just as many who have had very bad experiences in the past.

I always say that if the “oops I slipped” guy is your only experience with anal play, that absolutely positively does not count. Listen to the suggestions here, and maybe consider trying just one thing to see if you like it! The anus is rich in nerve endings, and some women can orgasm from the pelvic contractions combined with the excitement of anal play.

Likewise, men often seem to be overly eager to experiment with this new form of play, yet are concerned about the sexual orientation issue of being on the receiving end, and are pretty convinced that their partners would never consider anything back door anyway.

Talking to each other about your desires is the only way to go. You may have more in common than you think!

Cover of "Kinsey"

Cover of Kinsey

For most woman it is an extremely sensitive region and most of us feel it is taboo. We are not open minded to exploring.

Guys are concerned that this implies gayness…but that is where the male g- spot is.  Just because you enjoy anal play, it does not make you gay…just like all gay men do not engage in anal play.

Here are a few boring statistics….keep in mind, it is hard to get good numbers in sex studies, because we are all so used to telling lies in bed.

In the 1950’s, Kinsey stated that the anal area had erotic significance for about half of the population.

In a survey of 100,000 Playboy readers, 47% of the men and 61% of the women shared that they are have tried anal intercourse.

One researcher, who surveyed one group of people in the 1970s then another in the late 1980s, offers a good point of comparison. In the first survey, 25 percent of women had anal sex and 8 percent reported engaging in it regularly. In the second, 72 percent had anal sex, and 23 percent reported engaging in it regularly.

The most recent U.S. data from a national representative sample comes from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), which was conducted on over 12,000 men and women aged 15 to 44. Results show that 34 percent of men and 30 percent of women reported engaging in anal sex at least once.

So what does this tell us? There is no reason to be embarrassed.  OK, I am officially off my anal kick for a while…what next? You will have to check back!

Coloured condoms

Image via Wikipedia

First of all, anal is not for everyone. It looks like ¼ to 1/3 of us are probably enjoying and engaging in occasional to more often anal play or intercourse, regardless of what our sexual orientation is. So lots of us are experimenting. So in case you are wondering why I have been spending so much time on this topic, I want you to be as safe as possible, have as much info as you want and decide what makes sense for you. But no matter what, knowledge is power! But (fetish aside) actual anal intercourse (penis in anus) is probably the least practiced method of back door fun.

So how do we get on with enjoying the anal playground?

Here are some of the secrets, if you want to give it a try there are several things to know and prepare.

1.    you need lots of lubrication

2.   penetration is optional

3.   relaxation is key

4.   action should be slow

5.   pain means stop

6.   safety is sexy

7.   condoms are cool

PeterJohannNepomukGeigerEroticWatercolor01

Image via Wikipedia

Foreplay= stimulation for pleasure

Sex= penetration

From a health perspective, there are a few things you need to prepare before knocking on the back door at all.

1.    Cleanliness

a.   Area must be clean – women should always wash from front to back away from the vaginal area, then pat dry. Bacteria thrives on warm wet place so don’t give them the chance.

b.   Clear the canal depending on how far you want to go

c.   Some people like to use a cleansing douche – that is optional. For some this spoils the fun because they are looking to be a little dirty.

2.   Condoms

a.   Can help prevent the rectal tissue from tearing

b.   It makes entry much more comfortable since the tissue is naturally dry and sensitive

c.   Condoms Hold lube better

d.   They can help prevent disease – not just herpes or HIV, but cross contamination.

3.   Lube Lube Lube

a.   No much is too much is the rule with lube

b.   Thicker water based products seem to work best.

c.    We also have a silicone lube that some people just love called Slip n Slide. It is not to be used with latex condoms, so you would have to get an alternative. The feel of silicone lube is velvety soft, and it lasts for a long long time, but clean up is a little more work, as it should be washed with soap and water afterward.

So what is it that makes Anal play so pleasurable?

There are lots of nerve endings… The clitoris has about the same number of nerve endings as the anus. It is all about allowing yourself to relax so you can feel good

Communication is the most important tool you have. It is hard to talk about your fantasies, especially if they involve a sneak attack to the back door. So how do you ask to explore?  Here are some tips to help you bring this up.

Guys,  Reassure your partner. Do your homework. Be safe. Have fun and relax and above all, let her know she can trust you. And since the anus is highly sensitive, it can double her pleasure!

Ladies, how do you bring this out without making your partner feel uncomfortable?  Remind him, it is not a gay or straight thing. There are as many nerve endings in the anus as there are in the clitoris. Why would he want to miss out on that much pleasure. It is also the pathway to the male g-spot or A spot a/k/a the prostate and it is a major pleasure zone for many guys.

Illustration of anal sex.

Image via Wikipedia

So your partner said yes, now what do you do????

Your home work of course! You have already talked about it, so you have an idea what is ok and not ok. But here are some ideas…

Anal intercourse is the least frequently practiced form of anal sex, so don’t start there…

The most common techniques include

  • Touching or massaging the anal opening
  • touching the anal opening with a finger while masturbating
  • touching a partner’s anus during oral sex
  • stimulating a partner’s anus during intercourse
  • inserting a lubricated and condomed finger inserted into the anal opening and gently rotate
  • insertion of a lubricated dildo or vibrator beyond the anal opening and short anal canal into the larger rectum. Many men, including heterosexuals, favor this form of penetration because it stimulates the A-spot, male G-spot or prostate.

Lets review a few important points about back door play again….

  • talk about it a lot before you try it
  • Let the receiver dictate the action and intensity
  • experiment slowly with fingers and small toys
  • remember lots and lots of lube!!!
  • Don’t be pushy unless you are asked for it
  • Don’t be disappointed if the first few times it doesn’t end up in the end the way you wanted it…good connections take time to develop
  • Don’t give up – it takes time to build up trust
  • Be gentle and supportive.
  • Learn to relax and enjoy Relaxation – mentally, emotionally and physically will allow more pleasure to flow to all areas including the anal area. Go slow, take deep breaths and allow your body to relax and warm up.



Finger binary

Image via Wikipedia

Start with cunnilingus…and a finger

The very very best way to go about anal – if you decide it is something you even want to try – is to begin orally with the clitoris. For women, anal stimulation during oral can give twice the sensation since twice the nerve endings are involved.

Guys tip, always be sure your nails are trimmed and filed. Of course you will want to both be relaxed. Place a condom over your finger and lube both the condom and the anus.

While orally stimulating the clitoris, gently start around the edges of the anus…where a lot of those nerve endings are. Many women will find this the mother lode of pleasure. Make a small O around the edges, no insertion, use firm pressure. This is a tease. Make it last as long as you can until she makes the first move.

Let it be her decision if there is to be any insertion…but for women most of the foreplay is building the anticipation. If there is any insertion, she will decide how deep how far, how fast and how long.  The key is to build anticipation and let her set the pace and the path.

Prostate and bladder, sagittal section.

Image via Wikipedia

Just inside the anus…1-2 inches toward the penis. Again not pretty words, but keep your eye on the prize because it can be very pleasurable when the prostate is massaged.

When aroused the prostate becomes firm and feels like the tip of your nose.

Mind blowing massage tips – go slow, especially for first time experiences.

Condom finger first. Use lube generously on condom and anus. Help him relax. Insert finger a couple inches slowly into anus and move it toward the base of the penis from inside. Then use a gentle come here motion with the finger, forming a j hook. Slowly and gently massage the prostate. Guys, you will feel a little pressure and somewhat like you need to use the bathroom, but moving past that it gets pleasurable. Then you can work on what feels best. Let him set the pace.

Now learn to have fun with your tongue. Rimming, rim job Analingus. It all means oral to anal stimulation.

All of our previous rules apply

The tongue is also an erogenous zone.

Now you can explore just around the edges…do not underestimate the power of the rim. Use a barrier like a dental dam, a condom or rubber glove cut open or even saran wrap (but not the press n seal) for safety and better flavors. Add a touch of lube to the anus side, and a flavor of choice to the outside!

Have fun exploring your erogenous zones.


Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 23 other followers

►TAKE OUR CURRENT POLL◄

Darlene The Party Lady Is a Passion Parties Independent Consultant, Romance Ehnancement Specialist, Author, Trainer and Sex-EduTainer!

My First Book - Rx For Great Sex

Click the picture to preview or purchase Rx For Great Sex

My Second Book is now Available! Click the picture for details.

Rx For Great Success - Prosperity Prescriptions for Life and Business

The Gratitude Book Project

I am contrbuting author to this amazing work, and so proud!

The Party Lady Tweets…

Darlene The Party Lady does Passion Parties too!

Book a party today for more fun and romance secrets

Book a party today for more fun and romance secrets

Add some Passion to Your Life – Me with Dr Drew

Archives